What No One Tells You About Growth

After a year of conversations within my industry and everyone telling me "how amazing starting a business is" (which it is, don't get me wrong), I'm realizing that people really only see the exciting parts of it.  The freedom, the flexibility, and the (seemingly) endless possibilities.  The feeling of finally being able to build something that's exclusively yours. 

What they don't talk about nearly as often is what happens around you while you're growing.  Because, as I'm coming to learn, growth doesn't just change your business.  It changes your relationships, your routines, your priorities, and sometimes the people you decide you want to spend your precious time with.  

And... if I'm 1000% honest, that part caught me completely off guard....

When I launched Apostoli Collective, I knew I could expect long days.  I was fully prepared for uncertainty.  I definitely knew I would have moments that made me question if I had made the right decision (oh, that imposter syndrome).  But, what I didn't expect was how much my life would begin shifting in ways that had nothing to do with revenue, clients, or business strategy.

Looking back to what was almost a year ago (to the day), there wasn't a defining moment.  No dramatic falling out or friendship-ending conversations.  Really, it was just a slow realization that my life was changing - and not everyone was changing alongside it.

As a business owner, my days look very different now and I truly find myself thinking differently about time.

For me, a "free afternoon" doesn't feel free, just like a coffee meeting isn't simply a coffee meeting. Relationships, opportunities, partnerships, and ideas are constantly weaving together in my mind – and I find myself thinking about these things 24/7... And, again in all truthfulness, they often keep me awake at night.

There are days when I'm coordinating introductions between clients, brainstorming growth strategies, preparing proposals, scheduling site tours, writing content, attending networking events, and somehow still trying to be fully present as a wife, mother, daughter, and friend.

The mental load isn't necessarily heavier... It's just different, and what I'm realizing is that sometimes different is hard for people to understand, unless they've lived it themselves.  

One of the things I've noticed most is that my calendar looks nothing like it used to.  A year ago, saying yes felt easy.  A lunch? Absolutely.  Last-minute plans? Count me in.  A spontaneous happy hour on a Wednesday? Why not?  

Now, it feels like every commitment carries a different weight.  Not because I don't want to see people... Quite the opposite, actually.  It's because every "yes" requires greater intentionality than it once did.  I'm finding that every hour has a purpose, and every commitment has an opportunity cost.  And when you're balancing clients, partnerships, family responsibilities, and the dream you're actively building, there simply isn't room for everything anymore.

That realization has been both freeing and heartbreaking.

There have been moments over the past year when I've looked around and realized that some of the people who once felt closest aren't as present as they once were.  Again, not because anyone did anything wrong but because life just happens.  People move or resign from a position and you no longer get to see them 40+ hours a week.  Families grow, careers change, and priorities shift.

Sometimes you outgrow certain dynamics, and sometimes others outgrow you.  And, most of the time, no one is to blame.  I'm coming to realize and remind myself that this is simply the natural progression of life.

Ironically, some relationships became quieter, while others became stronger than ever.  

And they weren't always the ones I expected.  Some of the individuals I've grown closest to recently are people I didn't even know a few years ago.  They're people I met through networking events, or fellow business owners. Entrepreneurs or creatives that I happened to click with.  Leaders.  People who understand what it means to carry both excitement and uncertainty at the same time.  They are people who understand that success doesn't eliminate struggle, but instead often amplifies it.

Ultimately, the conversations are different.  I feel that there's less competition and comparison, while there's more encouragement and honesty.  There's definitely more willingness to say "me too" and I find the alignment is usually somewhere between trying to juggle it all and keep it all together.  

To me, those relationships have become one of the greatest gifts of this season.  

A few weeks ago, I found myself sitting with a group of women after a meeting, sharing things that had been weighing heavily on me personally.  As I was driving home, I realized that I felt much lighter, emotionally.  Not because any of my 'problems' had been solved, but really because I felt understood.  

At the end of the day, I feel that sometimes that's what we're really looking for.  Not solutions or advice, but simply people who understand what we're carrying.

I've also learned that not every friendship is meant to look the same forever.  For a long time, I think I viewed changing relationships as something that needed to be fixed.  And now I see them much differently.  I've learned that some friendships thrive in proximity, while some thrive in shared seasons.  Some evolve as we evolve as people, and some simply fade away.  Some surprise me by coming back around when I least expect it.  Or some return at a time when I realized I needed that person most.  Call it God, the universe, divine timing or whatever – I've always been a firm believer that people are in our life for "a reason or a season".  What I continue to hope for myself is that I always take away something from each relationship, and try not to beat myself up when it feels like the relationship is over, or failing.  None of that diminishes the value they once held.  It simply means people are allowed to grow, and growth isn't always synchronized.  I can say with 100% certainty that I am not the person I was one year ago, 5 years ago, or 10 years ago.  And I'm going to safely guess that I'll be a different person again in another 5-10 years.  

Perhaps that's the lesson I've been learning most as I continue to build Apostoli Collective.  Growth isn't just about what you're creating, but also about what you're releasing.  For me, this is old expectations, versions of myself and definitions of success.  And sometimes, old relationship dynamics that no longer fit the person I'm becoming.

If there's one thing I know for certain, it's this: my goal was never to stay the same.

My goal has always been to grow.  And growth has a funny way of rearranging things - not because I've become better than anyone else, but because I've become more aligned with who I'm meant to be.

I'm learning that sometimes it can feel lonely, and often very uncomfortable.  But more often than not, it creates space for exactly the people, opportunities, and relationships I'm meant to carry into my next season.  Sometimes it's about what gently falls away to make room for what comes next... and maybe that's not loss at all.  Maybe this is also about what I've gained and that could, quite simply and beautifully, be alignment.  Or maybe it's making peace with the fact that not every relationship is meant for every chapter of life.  Perhaps one of the most beautiful parts of becoming who you're meant to be is discovering who chooses to walk alongside you as you do. 💛